dPx: A Tribute
With Wrestlemania XXI looming before my T.V. set, I have decided to give a special one-off tribute to the WWE superstars. This is going to spark some controversy, and hence the need for the disclaimer below:
Bodies have been bruised; Necks broken; Careers ended in an instant. But this is entertainment. Wherever you are; Whatever you do; Please, Don't try this at home!
What I am attempting to do now is something out of this world. It takes a brave and fair heart to come up with this entry. It's going to get violent. It's going to get messy. It's going to start debates among you. Without further ado, and in case you are still clueless, I bring to you dPx's Hall of Fame for the finishing moves of these fabulous WWE superstars, past and present.
Before we commence, allow me to introduce you the panel of judges for this one-night event. First of all, Mr. Cowell, from Idol fame. Next, we have Mr. Ken, also from Idol fame. Last but not least we have Mr. Boob-la-li, also from Idol fame. "Who the fuck is Boob-la-li?", screamed off a disgusted fan. Well, in case you don't know, Mr. Boob-la-li is the equivalent of Mr. Cowell in Bangladesh Idol. We are most pleased to have him around. Scoring is based on Impact and Style. Order of placing is based on merit. Thank you, and spare your comments for the last.
#10. Big Daddy Cool - The Big Foot
I'm not pretty sure if it's called Big Foot but he finished his opponent by charging at him with his big right foot. So I might as well named after it.
#9. Razor Ramon - Razor Edge
You stuck the opponent's head in between your thighs, toss them up and hold him there by the arms for 5 seconds, before throwing him down as far as you can. This sounds complicated but seeing is believing. Take note the holding part, because it allows time for the opponent to recover and do a counter-attack. It's necessary.
#8. JBL - Clothesline from Hell
As the name suggests, JBL comes from hell. He charges at a dazed opponent with a clothesline so powerful that the opponent got flipped twice in mid-air. Full marks for impact!!
#7. Triple H - Predagory
Triple H also likes to stuck his opponent's head in between his thighs. But he don't toss them up like Razor does. He simply jumps up with the head still in between and sit on it. "Ouch!!"
#6. Hulk Hogan - Atomic Leg Drop
Hulkmaniacs must be screaming their lungs off before Mr. Wrestlemania will do the Atomic Leg Drop on the lying opponent. Basically he leaps up high in the air and lands his thigh on the hapless head.
#5. Undertaker - Tombstone Piledriver
R.I.P...
#4. Bret Hart - Sharpshooter
He turns the opponet legs inside-out, outside-in till the audience can't figure out whose leg belongs to who. The victim shall then scream agonising in pain and finally taps out.
#3. The Rock - The People's Elbow
The People's Champion lands his electrifying elbow across the chest of the lying opponent. The opponent positioning must be correct though. He must lie in the centre of the ring, arms and legs wide apart to prompt the Rock, aka Scorpion King to do the famous elbow on him. So much for entertainment.
#2. Steve Austin - Stone Cold Stunner
The master of the middle-finger (what?), the beer drinker of all beer drinkers (what?), kicks the opponent in the stomach area (what?), and lands the helpless head onto his hard shoulders (what?). "Hey, are you deaf or something?"
#1. Shawn Michaels - Sweet Chin Music
The Heartbreak Kid, the Show Stopper. 10 for impact. 10 for appeal. Unquestionably the best sports entertainer ever. Like Hulk, Shawn needs the fans to get him going. He thumps his favourite right foot on the ground continuously, before thumping straight at the chin of the victim. "1, 2, 3!!"
That's all folks. Bear with me if you can't. Goodnight and good luck.
